We Leave with Nothing but Love

Fine print
December 28, 2010, 12:41 am
Filed under: Family, Living, Music | Tags: , , ,

It’s only in the tiny posted date that the difference of numbers is revealed. These three months have beheld more significance than those hidden numbers could ever know.

I have not changed much, from the person I was in springtime. Although, I have become more passionate about adoption, and I have a car. Also, I have beaten the highest records for two different tetris games.

Why was Christmas this year so ungratifying? Those horror stories about families at Christmastime seemed to have foretold this year’s Christmas for my family. The kind of drama that makes a total straightedge pull out the bottle!

Goals for the rest of this winter break:

  • Biking and swimming nonstop
  • Job-searching like hell is chasing my bank account
  • Create and give: music, arts, and time
  • Sell crocheted goods
  • Spend time with Jesus
  • Continue to forget what is behind, and press on toward the goal of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus, in every task and opportunity

I now end with a MeWithoutYou lyrical experience:

Why burn poor and lonely under a bowl or under a lampshade

Or on the shelf beside the bed

Where at night you lay turning like a door on its hinges?

First on your left side, then on your right side.. then your left side again.

Why burn poor and lonely?

Tell all the stones we’re gonna make a building…

We’ll be cut into shape and set into place

Or if you’d rather be a window, I’ll gladly be the frame,

Reflecting any kind words, we’ll let in all their blame…

And ruin our reputation all the same.

Se never mind our plan making, we’ll start living…

Anyway, aren’t you unbearably sad?

Then why burn so poor and lonely?

We’ll be like torches!

We’ll be like torches!

We’ll be like torches… OH!!

We’ll be torchest together… TORCHES TOGETHER

We’ll be like torches… with whatever respect our tattered dignity demands,

Torches together, hand in hand

Why pluck one string… what good is just one note?

Oh, one string sounds fine, I guess… but we were once ‘one notes’,

We were lonely wheat quietly ground into grain…

What light and momentary pain!

So why the safe distance, this curious look?

Why tear out the single pages when you can throw away the book?

Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?

Strum the guitar!

Strum the guitar… with no beginning, with no end.

Take down the guitar and strum the guitar!

Strum the guitar if you’re afraid.

And I’m afraid and everyone’s afraid and everyone knows it,

But we don’t have to be afraid anymore.

You played the flute, but no one was dancing,

You sang a sad song.. but none of us cried.

you played the flute, but no one was dancing,

And you sang a sad song… you sang such a sad song.

What a glorious feeling


The First Week of Summer.
June 4, 2010, 2:03 pm
Filed under: Crochet, Family, Living

Making couch pillow_wedding gift

I am at my parents’ house this week for the wedding of one of my best friends. It is a beautiful union. I have been very sick. Our other best friend flew here from Texas with her husband and baby boy. I was in bed for more hours than I can count this week.

I’m so happy for my friends!

Starting the Year 2010
January 13, 2010, 12:53 pm
Filed under: Crochet, Family, God, Living

Today I was reminded of the poetry of feeling. Furthermore, I was reminded that I have no idea what it would be like to have a mustache.

Check out this video

As I recall, my home church has been filling our awareness with reminders that we are in the last days. As far as I know, there are still some events that need to take place in European government, and then the “rapture” will take place. Hm.

Matt. 24, Luke 21, and Mark 13 contain the Olivet Discourse, in which is an outline of the Rapture, the 7-Year Tribulation, and then the Second Coming of Christ. After Christ comes, there will be the Battle of Armageddon, which will transition into the judgments of all people. Afterward, the Thousand-Year Rule of Jesus will end with Satan’s release and final battle. When all of earth is melted with a fervent heat, God will create a new heaven and new earth.

All these events have been drawn from intensive study of the entire Bible. In fact, almost all the information in Revelation is lumped from prophecy within all the other books of the Bible. It’s a wakeup call, really.

When I stayed at my parents’ house for two weeks for a Christmas respite, I started an Audrey Hepburn movie kick. But my sister told me I should just read my Bible more. It was funny, and correct.

I have intentions to be real with God this year. 100% effort will be used! I still have strong regrets and sadness, but simultaneous restoration and assurance overwhelms my self-awareness. Praise God for the covenant of grace that provides renewal in our everyday realities! He is coming soon, but He does not ever leave us wallowing in our sins.

Final note on spiritual recognition:

Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.  [Gal 1:3-5]

And this is one of my last crochet projects from the past few days:

Once There was This Belief…
November 16, 2009, 5:45 pm
Filed under: Family, God, Living

And that belief involved my own desires. I wrapped up my life in my desires. And now I am dealing with the repercussions.

It is interesting to me how disgusting one can feel when it comes time to eat your words. To realize how irrational you were to speak- to say anything at all in a time like that. And I wanted it all- to fulfill my desires and to maintain the friendship and good grades I had. Nah, you have to choose. I will never forget the worthy words of C.S. Lewis who describes every action as a step closer to either heaven or hell. The funny thing is, when one steps into a place of sin, he can’t just step right back out of it, one step ahead on the path of righteousness. No, no, there is ONE world, ONE lifetime, and ONE economy of mercy. Only provided through the ONLY Son, the narrow path provides the narrow provisions for freedom. To deal with that sin, the Son takes the sinner and purifies, provides a new start. And then comes a lot of explanation and apologizing.

In this season of relationships, I am not pouting over the lack of relationship. In fact, there is much blessing in having time and freedom to do things to bless more people. I enjoy the adventures of different friend groups. I miraculously look forward to coming home solely for the fact that I get to hang out with my parents and siblings. There are more gifts to be given, more phone calls, and more girl dates. Praise the Lord for fun times with Tasha and Brittnee on Friday. A perfect cafe, picture-taking, and severely honest conversation.

And praise the Lord for Monica on Saturday. Homework, crafts, movies, and more brutal honesty. Without these friends, how could I possibly see clearly how to apologize to other friends I have hurt and secretly offended by secrecy?

Jon Foreman writes correctly:

I hear you breathing in

Another day begins

The stars are falling out

My dreams are fading out, fading out

I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open.

All your love is a syphony

All around me, running through me,

All your love is a melody,

Underneath me, running to me

Your love is a song

The dawn is fire-bright

Against the city light

The crowds are glowing now

The moon is blacking out

I’ve been keeping my mind wide open.

Symphony. Melody. Songs. Harmony. Around, underneath running, surrounding.

My eyes were unsure, and yet I, like the insane Hamlet, put on my little play. That whole adventure=failure.

Apologies are great, and thankfully, true friends understand and forgive. Finally, communication occurs. At last, there is closure and reality set in.

To Blake, Sorrow is a Time for the Shepherd to Sit and Weep with the Innocent.
October 6, 2009, 10:36 pm
Filed under: Books, College Classes., Family, Living, Poetry

Can I see another’s woe,

And not be in sorrow too?

Can I see another’s grief,

And not seek for kind relief?

Can I see a falling tear,

And not feel my sorrow’s share?

Can a father see his child

Weep, nor be with sorrow fill’d?

Can a mother sit and hear

An infant groan, and infant fear?

No no never can it be.

Never never can it be.

And can he who smiles on all

Hear the wren with sorrows small,

Hear the small bird’s grief & care

Hear the woes that infants bear-

And not sit beside the nest

Pouring pity in their breast,

And not sit the cradle near

Weeping tear on infant’s tear?

And not sit both night & day,

Wiping all our tears away?

O! no never can it be.

Never never can it be.

He doth give his joy to all.

He becomes an infant small.

He becomes a man of woe.

He doth feel the sorrow too.

Think not, thou canst sigh a sigh,

And they maker is not by.

Think not, thou cast weep a tear,

And thy maker is not near.

O! he gives to us his joy,

That our grief to us his joy,

That our grief he may destroy;

Till our grief is fled & gone

He doth sit by us and moan.

On Another’s Sorrow by William Blake

A Poem of Partial Coherence and a Shoutout to Billy Collins
Wesley’s forced perfection
Edwards’s saving affection
Kant’s empirical madness
Coleridge’s feisty wording
Samuel’s peaceful sanctity
Education and friendship and home
Speaking implies tongues of understanding
Consideration allows communication
Poetry necessitates coherence
Like coffee beans need a filter
Like uphill biking needs strong legs
Time to let the man on the moon smile
To love the dark earth
To ride the night’s full horizon
To break into song and sing me to sleep

In an effort to write out some thoughts like a an artist of words, I typed out this choppy thought process. There was no intention to rhyme, and no intention for this to make sense to the common eye, but this is my poem to reflect my thoughts after a long, unaccomplished day of work, paperwork, homework, classes, conversations brutally cut short, frustrating volleyball games, spiritual introspection and reflection, and roommate meetings.

Midnight Affections in Partial Coherence

Restless eyes with big ideas

Search for an open eye to share the ideas

Sharing the laughter

Sharing affectionate conversation

Withholding insecurity for the sake of sanity

And naturally the sanity follows

The kind looks and words from friends

Legitimacy in relationship is better than the pain of introspection

Light of the Spirit to guide and to nourish

Friends of Christ in togetherness

When I find myself on the bridge over troubled waters

And say to myself that I am the silver girl

And say so long, and prepare to jump,

Who is to keep me there except the false light

Even over thinking the future will toss one over the edge

The troubled waters have enough to handle

Without one more body of intricacy and mess

And friends would become lonely also

As Frank Lloyd Wright is to the Fallingwater

So Sharon is to the CPA and to schedules

So experience is bred, but also distraction

Homework left undone

And friends neglected severely

The pithy phrases of the philosophers

And the affections of musicians

Can only give me something to hang a coat on

Wesley’s forced perfection

Edwards’s saving affection

Kant’s empirical madness

Coleridge’s feisty wording

Samuel’s peaceful sanctity

Education and friendship and home

Speaking implies tongues of understanding

Consideration allows communication

Poetry necessitates coherence

Like coffee beans need a filter

Like uphill biking needs strong legs

Time to let the man on the moon smile

To love the dark earth

To ride the night’s full horizon

To break into song and sing me to sleep

And here is a thorough tribute to Billy Collins for the sake of his quote:

The Man in the Moon

He used to frighten me in the nights of childhood,

The wide adult face, enormous, stern, aloft.
I could not imagine such loneliness, such coldness.

But tonight as I drive home over these hilly roads
I see him sinking behind stands of winter trees
And rising again to show his familiar face.

And when he comes into full view over open fields
He looks like a young man who has fallen in love
With the
dark earth,

A pale bachelor, well-groomed and full of melancholy,
His round mouth open
As if he had just broken into song.

Summer Twilight in La Mirada

Actually, it gives me tears.
January 19, 2009, 4:28 pm
Filed under: Family, Living, Music

The Streets:”The Escapist”