We Leave with Nothing but Love


All that Time
June 20, 2010, 7:32 am
Filed under: Crochet, Living, Music, Relationships

While there have been countless opportunities for me to pursue something that reflects who I am, I have not ever felt more myself than now. Sure, there are conversations to be had, and a bridge to be repaired, but so far, being in a relationship with Jonathan makes me finally feel like I am on my way home.

I have always felt like something was weird about the word “home.” At the first house I remember living in, the one we lived in for 10 years, I constantly felt like I wanted to “go home” even when I was already there. And even though I had friends in my neighborhood, and I loved my neighbors’ pets, I was always ready for the adventure of moving to a different place, maybe a place that felt like home. Now that I am in college, I feel comfortable saying that San Diego is “home,” but more like a home base than home. And really, Biola is also home to me.

I have a whole playlist in iTunes for songs that pursue the concept of home, only because I am searching for anyone’s discoveries of  the meaning of home, that will help me understand where home really is for me.

For the search, Simon and Garfunkle have it right:

Tonight I’ll sing my songs again

I’ll play the game and pretend

But all my words come back to me

In shades of mediocrity

Like emptiness in harmony

I need someone to comfort me

Homeward bound, I wish I was

Homeward bound

Songs have always helped me, but sometimes when I never feel at home, the songs only reflect a sad mediocrity. So then, for the songs that discover home, I have Paul Simon’s “That’s Where I belong”:

When I see you smiling
When I hear you singing
Lavender and roses
Every ending a beginning

That’s the way it is
I don’t know why
Ay ay ay
But that’s where I belong

So, in my last post I was searching for my true feelings. I wanted to be certain about Jon’s. I wanted to be certain of our families’ approval. I had a long conversation with my mom, his mom (Momma Sue), and finally, with him. And then I had a conversation with him every night to follow until he came to see me again. And on Sunday when he asked me to be his girlfriend, it was crazy. Crazy in a good way, for the peace I felt, moreso than I have ever felt before. Crazy for the ways that we connected on so many levels, afterso many years of knowing each other. (Something like 21 years, since that is how long I have been alive in the church we have both always gone to!)

There are so many conversations to be had, and so many things I am excited to pursue with him. We are going to read a Charles Williams book together, and I am planning to visit him in Japan where he is stationed.

So here is a  picture or two that seem to reflect how perfect we are for each other so far: Looking adventurous, looking happy, and one picture of us holding the crocheted monkey that I made for Jon, which we appropriately named Yawn.

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The First Week of Summer.
June 4, 2010, 2:03 pm
Filed under: Crochet, Family, Living

Making couch pillow_wedding gift

I am at my parents’ house this week for the wedding of one of my best friends. It is a beautiful union. I have been very sick. Our other best friend flew here from Texas with her husband and baby boy. I was in bed for more hours than I can count this week.

I’m so happy for my friends!